Mind over Matter
by Aspergian Mind
Summary: Wikus's transformation continues to wipe out his previous self. But is there more to this change than what is going on than just the outside? Does change of the body determine the state of the mind?


**Mind over Matter**

By the AspergianMind

A/N: I see a lot of fics being posted on the newly established District 9. I love the film and call it my favorite of the year so far. So I figured I should post something myself about this film. Had been holding onto this for a while to get it right, but despite some doubts that there's still a correction needed here or there, I believe it's good enough for you to read.

* * *

_Awake._ My eyes open, squinting taking in the different measures of color that I'm seeing through them now. Then it turned black, black by both the very early morning and black as seal off from that early morning moon. My head feels like it's in a cloud of something, having lost connection, or is degraded. Something my mind has never encountered before.

My skin use to feel numb, but now I lost feeling. Now the skin is like dead layer of molten skin, shedding off to my new exoskeleton where the shell is now my surface. The whole time I was thinking: _What's next to go since it will all go away anyway?_

I've been down here in the bottom of some cave thing all day. The prawns have been digging them to travel secretly between houses. I need it now to be in the upmost peaceful place for it to finish.

I couldn't stop this sooner than I hoped, but if it'll take 3 years, I'll wait 3 years as long as I'm human again for my sanity's sake...and for Tania. _I hope you do come back Christopher._

Christopher has changed my entire view of prawns. I've use to think prawns are only higher intelligent animals, more than animal, for developing spaceships, but less than human because of their disgusting unintelligible looks as cockroaches. And they're mentally limited, just guide-less drones can't do anything much for themselves.

But despite their enormous differences in their looks and in their mind, they still have some certain something I can not think of. Despite they're insect faces they show a bit more sentient. Despite they're tentacle mouths, shelled faces, their eyes seem to express feeling more than any other animal. An animal's eyes are all the same. Dull and the same. What ever emotions all animals on this Earth show, it's in noise and other means, not in the eyes. But I can see as much emotion in Christopher's alien eye expression as if his eyes _are_ human.

That was something that we humans thought we had alone. Nothing else on our planet came to such a level such as ours. But they aren't only intelligent, they are sentient beings. I feel enthralled just by thinking about it. It reminds me of the time when I was seven years old, having received _that _special news. My memories of the days past, it felt like it rejuvinated myself for some odd reason, until the memories eventually caught up to this day. Well, I may still have my soul even though I have adverted into something completely different.

_I wonder how is the evicting and transferring going up on the surface?_ I don't know, it all depends on the reaction to recent events. Christopher and I did a full frontal attack on MNU and the command module returning to the mothership and the mothership leaving Earth, leaving the prawns behind. The prawns seemed dependent on the having the ship in sight as their symbol of hope, seeing that they've wanted to go home. What will they become without hope now? Now seeing their purpose with a most determined goal has been snuffed away.

_I wonder, what's next?_ There's bound to be more than just Christopher returning with the equipment to restore me. There will also be returning to the prawns left behind and resuming relations with man. All the wrongs that were done to them from the beginning since their first arrival and that is continuing on now. Will we pay the price for this maltreat? Will they judge all of humanity based on this one event? They would judge us a wicked, sickened beings when that's only one side of the whole face of what makes us human. We are that, but so much more also. This mess -all this- could have happened in so many different ways. _It could have been better._

I didn't know how far I've changed now, I've been down in this cave since morning, which was probably yesterday. The only source of light that's coming into this tunnel is coming from the surface where both ends reach. I felt exhausted, after doing more combat and killing in one day than what any soldier could do or what I could have feared, so I passed out once I got here. It was dark when I first waked up, now that the faint light of the morning is gradually illuminating. Currently now it has been so faintly basking my frame, I could barely see the outline of it all.

On my right hand, the pinkie and ring finger are gradually fusing together, so is the middle and point finger. The nails are gone and the thumb is swollen to twice it's size. I never saw how my left hand got transformed, it was bandaged, but now I get to see my other hand go before my eyes.

_Grumble. _Oh, my stomach, I'm starving. I haven't eaten since I had that can of cat food which I found my molar teeth have popped out, all apart of the transformation. I can't go to the surface now for catfood. _Oh,_ Since I'm on my way to become completely prawn anyway there's no point to holding onto my meat. I bet there has never been a case of one committing cannibalism by eating himself. Though me, being a prawn now, I'm only committing man slaughter. Or self-slaughter.

I grab for a dangling piece of flesh on my shoulder. I felt nothing, so it wouldn't be so gut-wrenching if I did. It's not even like skin coming off, more like a layer of plaster that I'll no longer need. The hold the hunk of red meat, with a layer of pale skin, in my prawn hand. It is so mind bogglingly disoriented when you see your nerves are controlling and feeling the same body function with a whole new look. It appears as though I'm a man-eating monster looking at his earned prize of prey, of human flesh. Now it feels gut-wrenching to be the hand I have now that will put the flesh I once had in my mouth.

Here it goes...The shred of human flesh has entered my mouth. I swear, I could have thrown-up. While that is my mental thinking, my physical tasting of 'previous me' was quite the contrary.

_Hmmm, do I really taste good?_ Eating human flesh doesn't feel like a taboo to me now that my taste-buds are redesigned.

Recollecting from my last meal, with the popped out molar teeth, I check how my mouth is. Tentacles have appeared where my front teeth were. The feeling of them dangling and squirming; it's as if they got a mind of it's own. I wonder what's like to speak now? I've been talking to myself through my mind and I haven't uttered a word out loud for so long. I try to summon up announcing my name. It came out as a burp of trills that could sound like "Wickus" but the alien sound of it makes it non-dialect.

My feet feel cramped. I've haven't checked my feet at all recently. _Oh, boy, prepare for another shocker._I realized that now my feet aren't entirely in the shoes at all, just my use to be toes. No need for the shoes now, in fact they've busted opened. I take them off and analyze my new taloned feet. My feet's arches feel stretched. Like the prawns who are digitigraded, my tarsals and metatarsals are about the length of my lower arm now. My toes are now large talons I'd try to stand them, but the cave is only for crawling. Though I try to compare to what it'll be like standing on just the toes, with the heels higher, a lot higher, in the air.

If this is how it's going in my body, I don't want to see it happening to my face. I know what a prawn looks like, but to look at one in a mirror that imitates my exact movements is a shock enough, so seeing my face mid way there would be like a bad dream that's you. I think I could feel it at least. My fingers feel a bigger ridge for a brow. No hairs but a sharp ridge that feels like the rough edges of a turtle shell. The brow pointed farther out than I thought, so the unexpected sudden feeling of a familiar part of your body and it having changed all together.

How can I sum up my day of surprises, that have happen all over me unexpectedly in an unfathomed amount time in the dark cave? It's like walking up the stairs in the dark, and thinking that there was one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down through the air and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise. This metaphor summons up pure dread.

_I'm gone. I'm no longer human._ The transformation is complete. There's nothing left to be changed, now I'll just wait three years as an insect to be a mammal again.

While feeling demoralized by the fact that I'm now completely not me on the outside, there's something that's infesting me on the inside as well. The hole in my heart from the demoralizing fact seemed to inflect something to make the hole deeper. Like my dread is fueling a even worse force. I feel a less, like essence of my soul has been sucked out. Like I'm of a lesser conscious. I feel lost, direction destroyed, motivation eroded, my drive in life is feeling like it's being washed away.

If my body is changing so must my brain be too. My changed eyes have been seeing things different, and I have tasted my self with a new set of taste-buds, and smelled through nostrils that now just holes.

These prawns are of a hive-mind. Maybe it's why we didn't label them as sentient or as equal as we are; they have such a barrier in their mind that blocks them from being like a single independent consciousness that we are. That is an unexpected privilege that humans have and should never take for granted. Now I know how it feels like to be in a void, under such a mental handicap. While not animal, I guess they're not as great-minded as they could be. _I mean no offense to them, especially Christopher...and Oliver._

I felt pricks at the ends of my right hand fingers and see that the talons have punctured through. _Oh, just be done with it! If my mind now is about to go up to oblivion!! _I used my claws and tentacle jaw to rip the human presence off it now. A burning feel came suddenly, like a skinned arm that's overly exposed to the air that it has been sealed from. My right arm's emerged exoskeleton feels premature, I guess I should have waited another hour before I did it. _Oh, who cares about that now, my mind is being eroded._

Am I having a memory wipe? Instinct, a bigger major of prawn behaviour, erasing memory. New traits inserted and upgraded sensors, overruling past experiences. We'll if I'm now going to be a prawn and if I'll likely never change back, then I guess it'll be better to let go and forget--- _NO!!! I was born human, so my spirit is human. It can not be erased even if the brain is rewired._

I have a motive, I have a purpose, I have a goal. _There's Tania._ I can't leave her alone. No one will replace her. Nothing can replace her from me. Nothing can fill in the blank if I abandon her._ I can not indulge the emptiness inside me any further._

Tears are spilling down now. I still have tear ducts, something human still remains. I'm gone from her. No, I'm still there for her, one way or another. I can't be there for her, but I can send her something. Alright, I have three fingers, I hope I can use them for craft making.

Craft making. Yeah, remember that first meeting we had because of it? Keep the memories strong, don't let it be overrunned by new instincts or traits. I remember back in.........

_...1993._

_I was 18, and I had a career goal inspired upon me since youth and I still haven't outgrown it. First day of the final year, senior year. I enlisted in Redhill School and have the majority of my courses be studying hard and having one easier, creative, more artful to ease off from the hard work. Like art class._

_Being my final year I decided to go full throttle on doing courses focused on my getting me more qualified for my dream job. After doing his most important courses first, such as sociology, the last class of the day was art class. A nice order to have the last class to be a breath of relief for a part of the day. Once art class is done it's back to the house to homework._

_Tania was one of them. Our first assignment is to being brought a bunch of junk and to make art. An task to show each student their self-expressing and creativity ability._

_"How can you make this pile of junk into anything appealing?" Tania said in disdain._

_"Well all ugly things in the world are misunderstood. It's in the eyes of the beholder. Ugliness is there because we need to look deeper sometimes at it's true value."_

_"Forgive me, it's just that I was never artistic or creative in my life."_

_"That does not seem possible. I mean what ever you did to your own face, to look like an angel, requires gifted hands." "Here let me demonstrate."_

_"There, you see? All the ugly things are put together to make something beautiful."_

_She was really pleased. "I like it."_

_She's bound to be better at art then she says she is. "You shouldn't be so picky on what areas of art, like makeup, looks nice." If she can keep her face beautiful than she'll make anything beautiful._

_"Well I guess I should give it more of a try in the artistic areas I ignored."_

_I liked how the conversation was going. Alright, now here comes the proposal. "I'll help teach you."_

_She seemed happy to accept the offer but gave a few chuckles that sounded sarcastic. She doesn't seem convinced. "Alright be honest. Are you hitting me because I'm the daughter of MNU's lead?"_

Pause. _That wasn't what I expected the conversation to lead to. My concentration has completely stumbled in comprehending this new wave of information. "Wait. No. In fact what you stated that very second was the very second I only now know."_

_"How can you not have known. Four guys hit on me all the time because of that."_

_"Oh. Now that's different from a man hitting on the Big Man's daughter who is bound to have a lot of money; a man who never knew anything."_

_"So wouldn't it be better that I was drawn to you by your beauty, personality, talents or lack there of rather than anything else?"_

_"I'm glad that you aren't seeking me to get to just wealth my dad gets for being the head of MNU."_

_"Well actually, I do wish to join MNU. You know the minute I saw it in the news, the first thing I did was look up to the stars to be granted the enlightenment that we have a different place in the stars. That we are apart of a bigger thing rather than being alone in the universe."_

_"I guess I could be a point of access. Out of the guys I mentioned earlier, it was because of the money. You're a first to use me as agent for employment."_

_"I won't be there for just the shortcut. I got a woman to have dinner with."_

_"Good. I'll be at The Royal Boma at 6:30."_

_I then gotten a tad bit of worry over the issue of money."You want me to take you there?" I didn't want to sound like turned down the offer. "I mean, it's a more upper class kind of restaurants,\ and I can't put my limited money supply into such..."_

_"Don't worry, I got plenty from my father. You know, the head of the establishment you dream of joining? I'm all in for vouching for the one who couldn't afford it?_

_"You're an opportunity of a life time. Name, I shouldn't forgot to tell: Wikus van de Merwe."_

_"I knew, we have roll call. This is_ _our first day." I gave a harmless 'oh'. "I'm Tania Michaels."_

_Though my intake at MNU Department for Relations with Extraterrestrial Civilizations has turned out different and has ended more like the negotiator between two opposite countries making first contact. Nothing compared to back when I was 7 hearing the first news of aliens and immediately going out to look at those stars._

_The wedding I committed my life to an angel fallen from the heavens, with bright gown and halo still on. Better than mortal man deserves..........._

...In comparison, the difference between an angel and a man is like a prawn is to a woman. _She is more than what I am then and now._

I gave a heart-aching sigh of relief, and tears were happy this time.

My moment of heaven stopped when I heard a ruckus coming from down the tunnel length. The cover has been removed bringing in a whole new wave of light. The main light was hitting the far end of the tunnel, but it was like a strobe of light over here, and my new body's exoskeleton shined into my squinting eyes. I feel quizzy when I see these legs, these arms, the whole body going all the way up to my neck is now my body. I am now in plain view of myself now, there are no more barriers to cross.

Two shadows stretch along the walls. "Hey, I found something." Two MNU guards came in at the entrance. "I hope it isn't another one of their little space craft they got hidden."

One climbs down and turns on the flashlight. "Hey, here's one." "You come here."

It'll be better to go without questioning. _Oh, dear, this will be first time standing and walking on these redesigned legs._ Never the less, I'm attempting to stand now. It feels like standing on your tip-toes, except the heels are further up from the ground and are stuck to never touch down again.

"This one is rather gawky."

"And unusually complying." A hit with the butt of the gun to my back. "You're aliens! You wouldn't yield to us!"

Brutal, as this is, this got me to thinking of my previous kinship.

Human relations with the prawns are bond to go uphill from here. Now that the mothership has left and the prawns relocated to a place real distant from the city, I hope that it will bring huge relief to the humans' tension that lasted for nearly 30 years. District 10 will be a concentration camp, yes, but under better surveillance and security protocol they'll be safe from the humans; yet it'll be at the cost of what possible freedom they ever had before. I knew it will be a place of oppression and subjugation, but not until knowing two of it's 'would of been' settlers, and me having turned into one.

I'll be a member of the species I helped oppress and be there to suffer with them in the camp I'd moved them to.

After they stopped harassing me, turning their attention to the less cooperating prawns, I wandered around freely looking for something to make something out of. I can't have her fall into believing that I'm gone. She got to know me by my crafts and she'll still know that I'm here by my crafts. What can I make for her?

I then see a sharded vase. First thing that came into my mind was pedals, fallen flower pedals. I'll make her a flower, although taking it to her would be seemingly impossible, I will go through hell, even if it's only to at least show that I'm still here.

My body is no longer me, it's shaped different, sees different, feels different, even my brain is programed to think different, but it can not erase my soul, my memories, I'm still Wikus and I'll stay Wikus, for me and for her.

_I have to hold on. And I will always keep holding on...I hope. I hope._

* * *

A/N: Had this done a month after watching the movie, but I just kept it to perfect it more. Comes off hot and cold at times I believe, but I can't keep my stories shelved for months constantly trying to find the best sentence or line of dialogue in such a nit-picking manner.

R&R if you do find errors.

In the world of different accents of English, I'm almost as familiar with the British accent as I am with the American, but I don't have a 'fooking' clue about the accents in South Africa.

P.S. Redhill School is an actual private school that actor Sharlto Copley went to. I figured since I'm doing a school scene, I'll use a real school which I did, as well as the restaurant.


End file.
